She knows EXACTLY how to be a social media superstar

How one woman used her darkest moments to become world famous

She had an other worldy presence on camera. Like something alien, someone who shouldn’t or can’t exist in this reality. But she did. She was five foot three with crooked teeth and frizzy hair, a little rough but with an unmistakable aura. You might have passed her in the street without a second thought. But if she spoke to you, a switch would flip and she’d become something else. She was born to be a goddess of the digital world.

At five thirty in the morning she lay under a white hot sun, painting her skin the same color as her light brown hair. Her friends, the cast of characters she played with daily, were still asleep and the time was right to do what she did best. She pointed the camera down towards stubby painted toenails and without having to look, panned it up her bare legs. She slow it down just a little bit as it past her tattooed thighs, a vampire bat on the right leg and a half buried skull on the left. Past pink and white stripe bikini bottoms to a pierced belly button, small breasts and finally to her face. She took the cigarette out of her mouth and held it between her fingers close up to the camera, showing the thick glob of blood red lipstick around the filter, then moved it to reveal the cheeky look on her face.

“Good morning lovelies,” she said to her fifty thousand admirers, sympathisers and wannabes from all over the earth. “I’m grateful to be alive for one more beautiful day it is. Thanks to my wonderful subscribers out there for helping me to keep moving. I love you all.” The beach wasn’t one you would hang out at if you had your pick. Scattered shells and sea weed covered dull grey sand and waves of thick green water oozed with grease from the ships on the horizon. But for Ally, grime and grit were her signature. She was known as the girl who wondered the backstreets of building, posing in front of graffitied walls, the forest nymph of the concrete jungle.

“I have a confession. I know you’re all going to be disappointed. But I’m human, I can’t be perfect.” She took a deep breath and showed them her best regretful face, then she took a syringe and held it in front of her face for the audience to see. It was thinner than a pencil and had a drop of blood near the top. “I’m sorry guys. I know you believed in me. But it’s been hard out here and-” she stopped herself. “It’s always hard. But I have to do better. That’s why I’m not going to let it stop me. I’m going to keep moving and make the most of my day. Love you all.” She kissed the lens of the phone camera so that her lips would be huge on the screen and then she stopped the recording.
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“Almond milk with pea protein, cacao and ginseng to keep you going.” Ally handed the enormous white cup to Grace. Grace was the yin to Ally’s yang, tall and thin where she was short and stubby, 35 to Ally’s 24. And shy. “Ginseng is one of the most widely used plants in Chinese medicine,” she said to the camera, with her arm around her friend. “It makes you stronger, in your mind. And your organs. And your cells. People think about being strong in their muscles, but some plants can actually make you stronger in your cells.”

Grace blushed and turned away from the camera. She took a gulp out of the cup. It tasted like what she thought dirt must taste like. They were sitting in juice bar on the edge of town. The wall and tables were white. Too white, too clean, like being in a hospital. Grace was a fish out of water. A boney junkie in a singlet top and jeans, shaking.

“Ginseng is for the beginners. A root that looks like ginger. I have gym later today, so I like to use the harder stuff. Cordyceps, a fungus that grows inside insects and controls their brains. Makes them crazy.” She made a face. “Ally. I don’t feel so good.” Grace pushed Ally away and made a wrecthing noise. She tried to stop herself but she couldn’t. A flood of light brown vomit erupted out of her mouth on to the white table. She wretched again and again. A dozen or so juice bar customers looked on in horror, their preppy sensibilities devastated.

A young man in an apron with a mop and bucket approached the table. “I’m so sorry, she’s been feeling sick all week, I thought the ginseng would help.” Ally rambled on for a while. Grace managed to get control of herself and run outside. She vomited one more time in the gutter and then sat cross legged on the side walk. She was breathing heavily but looked relieved.

When Ally came out after her, she had napkins and a wet cloth. She started wiping the brown foamy vomit out of her friends hair. Grace sobbed slightly.

“You weren’t live were you?” She said.

“Of course not.” Ally lied.

“I need a hit Ally. I can’t make it another day.” Grace said. “I know Gracie.”

“Please don’t judge me. I tried so hard but I’m just not ready.”

“Me neither Gracie.”

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“You should come with me.”

“You’re fucking crazy.”

It was mid day, the sky was clear and the sun was high. Ally and Grace had a picnic blanket spread out under a tree in the park. Grace was turned towards the tree in the hopes that passers by wouldn’t be able to see her heating up the spoon.

“I’m serious. You have to start living your life one day at a time. If you wait until you’re off the dope it will never happen.”

“Oh, you’re cute.” Grace turned back but didn’t make any eye contact as she spoke. She had the smacked out look of no longer being aware of her surroundings, as if she was blind. She laughed. “I’m not doing shit Ally.”

Ally was mixing up some kind of bright red substance in plastic cup. “If you have some pre-workout it helps. You can go heavy on H because you don’t feel pain.”

“You’re amazing girl. Just… amazing.” Grace said, her words beginning to slow. Sometimes she felt like Ally’s big sister, sometimes she was mommy. She was always proud. “Go on. Go to the gym and make your videos. I’ll be here when you get back.”

The gym across the road was an influencer’s dream. High ceilings and mirrors all around, with all kinds of unconventional equipment. Ally liked to do Romanian deadlifts with her toes going up a small ramp, giving her butt a little extra pump. She knew where to put the tripod to get the perfect angle. On her first set she dropped the weight and let her body go a little limp. She wouldn’t be heroin gym girl if she did everything perfectly.

Her outfit was a grey full body suit where the shoulder straps crossed at the top, making her look like a professional weight lifter rather than a little gym bunny. She wore huge pink and black striped stockings. She bought them because they reminded her of the witch crushed by the house in the wizard of Oz.

At the end of her workout she flexed in the mirror and blew a kiss into the camera with her droopy half closed eyes. The text on the bottom of the tiktok read “One day at a time. Just keep showing up.”

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When the green light on the end of her dab pen came on, she exhaled a perfect cloud of grey smoke into the frame. It clouded around her shoulders as if she was a golden era movie star, rolling her neck and shoulders elegantly through the mist as if dancing to imaginary music.

From the side of the frame a new face appeared. It was a man, a hideous man with huge worms for lips and brown eyes bulging out of his head. On the top of his bald dome were stray strands of hair that if he was in his right mind he would have shaved. He grinned, showing rotten brown teeth with many half missing and waved at the camera in a goofy gesture.

“Yo, you’re so good at this.” The ugly man said. “How did you get so good at this?”

Ally shrugged. “I wanted to be an actress ever since I was young. To be in the movies, y’know? The it girl.”

The man’s name was Ronnie and they were in his apartment to score. He had everything from weed to acid and PCP. He would always sit too close to her but he had never crossed the line. This was just part of the game. Ronnie was sitting in between the two women with Ally to the left putting her show on for the camera, and Grace to his right, smacked out with her head on his shoulder.

“I think you are.”

“What’s that?”

“You know? What you said. The girl. You’re just, I don’t know. I know girls who are prettier. Strippers and stuff. But you have something the prettier girls don’t have. You’re special.”

“Thanks Ronnie. You’re special too.”

Ronnie laughed at her. “You know I’m fucked in the head Ally, but I’m not THAT fucked in the head. To think you would really think that.”

“But you are Ronnie. You always look after us. Do you want another beer?”

“Oh boy do I.” She leapt to her feet like a cat, prancing over a sea of food containers and empty beer cans to the kitchen. Ronnie had forgotten to fill the fridge, so she took a warm beer out of the carton on top of it.

“I’m going to have one too if you don’t mind?”

“Of course not.” She opened both beers on the counter. In one quick movement she emptied the four crushed diazepam tablets into Ronnie’s and slid her way back over. When she got back he was stroking Grace’s hair and nuzzling his face against hers. Grace played ball, opening her mouth and sliding her tongue into his.

Ally stopped them to give Ronnie his beer. “Let’s have a toast. Here’s to showing up. One day at a time.” Ronnie chuckled. “One day at time.”

Then he took a small mouthful of the beer and started to turn back towards Grace.

“Oh come on Ronnie. Drink like a man.” She said, throwing back half of the beer with one gulp. She burped loudly then pressed two fingers to her mouth to feign embarrassment. “Oopsie! Teehee.”

Ronnie shook his head. “I don’t know where you get all that energy.”

“Cordyceps mushroom and pre-workout.”

“What the hell is that?”

“Oh nevermind silly.”

Ronnie shook his huge rectangular head, but he couldn’t stop smiling. Ally was holding her beer up for a second toast in a goofy pose that he couldn’t resist. He clinged the bottles together again and then threw his back, swallowing it in one go. “I’ll get you another one Ronnie.”

She hopped back up and did a silly walk back to the kitchen, like a looney tunes character trying to move without being heard. “You’re like my cool uncle Ronnie. And Gracie is my favorite aunt aren’t you Gracie?”

Grace responded with a thumbs up, her head still down on Ronnie’s shoulder. Ronnie was already starting to look more relaxed when Ally came back with the second beer.

This time Ally stayed standing a few feet away from the couch. She took out her phone and pointed it at Ronnie. “Guys this is Ronnie. He’s like my cool uncle and he knows everything. Ronnie, tell us about the chemicals they’re spraying out of the planes like you did the other day. What was it called again?”

“Chemtrails.”

“Chemtrails. Red pill us on the chemtrails Ronnie.” Poor lonely Ronnie couldn’t resist the attention. And within 15 minutes he was fast asleep and down five grand and a suitcase full of drugs.

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“You’re like my guardian angel.” Grace smiled as Ally tightened the strap around her arm. Her leathery face looked soft and loving in the pink glow of the evening sun. She was struggling to hold herself up. “I just don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re a hero to all of these people, but I get you to myself. And I’m so grateful Ally.”

They were at Ally’s spot on the dirty beach where she had been tanning that morning. Ally wanted to film the sunset and say something inspirational. But before they could do that, they had to get high. Grace was heating up the spoon with a zippo lighter. The substance began to bubble and she tingled with excitement.

“Why don’t you go first this time babe? You never go first.”

“That’s ok. I want to wait til the sun goes down.”

“But we have so much.” Grace said. And then she cackled like a witch. “We could be high for months.”

“I might try something else. Maybe I could go into a k hole or something, come out with some fresh ideas.” Grace cackled again. She wasn’t waiting any longer, she took the syringe and plunged it into her arm. She moaned and threw her head back in bliss.

“Did you ever used to have hobbies? Did you draw or play a musical instrument?” Grace was barely aware that she was being filmed. “I played piano.” She cackled again and started to twiddle her fingers in the air in front of her like she was playing. “It was nice sometimes. But they kept shouting at me. All they ever did was shout at me and be mean to me. Nothing was good enough.” Her eyes were closed as she spoke and she had a smile from ear to ear.

“If you could be somebody else who would you be?”

The laugh turned into a sigh. “Somebody who other people love I suppose.”

She lost consciousness right then at the moment, with the needle still in her arm. Ally took it out and laid her down gently on the blanket. The night seemed to come all at once, bright pink sky turning to deep purple. Ally lay there imagining thousands of little minions swiping away at their phones. Their hunger for her words and her smile and her movements and everything she was. It felt better than heroin. Better than any drug she had ever had.

In the night Grace coughed and cackled in her sleep while Ally snuggled to her for warmth. But when she woke up, her friend was cold and her lips were blue. She wasn’t breathing.

Before Ally had a chance to feel anything she was on her feet. She panned her phone over the body, from the head to the feet and back up. She looked for words to say. She always knew what to say. But this time they never came.